(no subject)

[pink_spiral]

Today I had a three hour cry. More of a sob rather than a cry. There is something that is going on that has the power to destroy everything I hold dear. I have been holding in all the fear and heartache associated with it. Today, it burst out. I sat motionless in the bathroom gripping a towel for warmth and comfort. Sobbing. I cried so hard that my body wanted to throw up everything. Since I haven't really eaten in a day, save for some mini-doughnuts, nothing came up. Not even stomach bile. I can't explain the pain involved there. I couldn't move. Everything felt like lead. Every horrid thought flooded through my head.

Then, I realized, it will be however it will be. I know how I want them to be, and I can do my damnedest to get them that way, but ultimately, I don't know.